Once upon a time there was a little bird whom didn't fancy flying south for the winter. The weather turned very cold and the little bird decided to take shelter in a farmers barn. One day in the barn the little bird made a nice little nest on the floor to keep warm. Along came a cow and deposited a large cow pat all over the little bird and it's nest. It was nice and warm, if a little smelly for the little bird inside but the little bird was very happy and started to sing. The noise of the little bird singing soon attracted the attention of one of the farmers cats which decided to investigate. The cat pawed away at the steaming pile, found the little bird, pulled it out and promptly ate it.

1. Don't be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
2. Somebody whom puts you in the **** is not necessarily your enemy.
3. Somebody whom pulls you out of the **** is not necessarily your friend. And -
4. If your happy and in a pile of **** don't shout about it.

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Murphy's Law.

Mr.Murphys laws were obviously compiled by an expert in such fields. The origin of Mr. Murphy remains somewhat of a mystery however, and it is also possible that he may have been related to a person with the name of Sod. Possibly a brother but in either case connections with Ireland cannot be ruled out.

This intelligent race of people have produced many experts in many fields over the years and amongst them appears to be Mr. Murphy.

What became of Mr. Murphy appears also to remain a mystery. The consensus of opinion seems to be that he possibly fell victim to one or more of his own laws, some examples of which follow......

Murphy's Law states that.
If something can go wrong it will,.... usually at the most inopportune moment.

Murphy's Law states that.
A dropped tool or component will always fall in the place where it can do the most damage.

Murphy's Law states that.
The failure rate of a component, part, or sub assembly, is inversely proportional to its ease of repair or replacement.

Murphy's Law states that.
The failure rate of a component, part, or sub assembly, is inversely proportional to its cost and availability.

Murphy's Law states that.
When something has been stripped down for repair, and then re-assembled, extra components will always be found afterwards.

Murphy's Law states that.
If you arrive at a bus or train departure point, the one you want will always just have gone.

Murphy's Law states that.
Motor vehicle windscreen wipers only break down when it is raining.

Murphy's Law states that.
If you have a hole in your shoe and it is raining, the one with the hole in it will always find a puddle first.

Murphy's Law states that.
A piece of bread or toast, when in free fall, will always land buttered side downwards.

Murphy's Law states that.
When you put something important away in a safe place, when the time comes to retrieve it, that will be the last place you will look for it, if indeed you ever find it again.

Murphy's Law states that.
It will either rain or go dark before morning, and sometimes both will occur.

Murphy's Law states that.
After moving house, the thing that you want most will be the last thing that you un-pack and usually at the very bottom of a large pile of other stuff.

Murphy's Law states that.
When you wish to attract attention it is virtually impossible to do so. The inverse also applies, that is when you do not wish to attract attention it is virtually impossible to get rid of it.

Murphy's Law states that.
To err is human, but to really foul-up you need a computer.

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Posh Names

Visual improvement consultant. ________ Window Cleaner.

Garbologist. ________ Dustman.

Transport control executive. _________ Car park attendant.

Electronic communications operative. _________ Telephonist.

News and media distributor. _________ Paperboy.

Container & contents control operative. _________ Barmaid.

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New administration element discovered.

Investigators at a major research institution have recently discovered the heaviest element known to science.
This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having the atomic weight of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time since, with each reorganisation, some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass".
You will know it when you see it.